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KEVIN MASK: Hello everyone, I'm Kevin Mask, from the popular cartoon series Ultimate Muscle. I'm here to discuss a very important issue with YOU. The up and coming generation of the world. I believe it is very important for you to remain in great health, thus I believe it is just time that I introduce to you...
Kevin Mask: CIGARETTES! Not just any cigarettes though, If you look closely you will notice that this particular package of these magic smoke sticks are 'Ultra Lights'. Now, I know you have seen those truth commercials, and to be totally honest with you, they are right. Normal cigarettes are bad for you. But have you heard them say anything about Ultra Light cigarettes?? I didn't think so, that's because ultra light cigarettes are good for you. They promote so many positive things that I can't even begin to list them... ok, I'll tell you a couple. If you smoke this brand of cigarettes, and ONLY this brand of cigarettes, you will eventually gain such attributes as the ability to fly, heat vision, and you will be able to fly around the earth so fast you will be able to reverse time.
Kid Muscle: YOU CAN'T ENCOURAGE KIDS TO SMOKE!!!! Kevin Mask: Yes I can. Kid Muscle: You can? Kevin Mask: Yes. Kid Muscle: Hmmm, are you sure? Kevin Mask: Ask Jabba.
Jabba: He's right! He taught me to smoke. Now look how cool I am. In fact, before I started smoking I didn't have a palace or anything. Now I have fat ladies with six breasts dance for me. Kid Muscle: That all happened because you started smoking? Jabba: Yep. Kid Muscle: So do you think I could get some of those ladies to dance for me if I start smoking? Jabba: There's only one way to find out buddy.
Kevin Mask: Take it, it's the only way you will ever really be cool and have heat vision. Kid Muscle: But I heard on those commercials if you smoke too much your lungs fall out. Kevin Mask: That's purely speculation. Even if it is true don't the positive effect out weigh the whole no lungs thing? I mean, who uses their lungs anyway? It's kind of like my nipples, they're nice to have, but I could live without them. Kid Muscle: Well, you've convinced me,. give me that...
Jabba: HAGGGGGUMMMMMM!!! FLLLLLLLHEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Kid Muscle: What the crap was that? Is that Jabba's lung? Jabba: no... Kevin Mask: AH! Of course not, that's... uh... that's the magic acid spit attack you get when you smoke. You can be just like reptile from Mortal Kombat. Kid Muscle: I like reptile. Kevin Mask: Yeah, who doesn't? Now start smoking you little poop vacuum. Kid Muscle: Ok, I can't wait to spark that mammer jammer up. *POOF!*
*POOF!* Kid Muscle: Holy peanut butter sandwich! Yoda: Smoke you must not, to the darkside, it leads. Kid Muscle: What? Yoda: Speak English, I do, but structure words like Spanish I do. Kid Muscle: Sorry, I don't speak Spanish. Yoda: Mmmmmm, stupid you are. Kid Muscle: Man, Spanish is really funny sounding language, it's like English kind of... but not really.
Yoda: Begun... the tobacco wars have. Kid Muscle: You're just not making any sense... I need a translator.
Ramenman: HE SAY YOU SHOULD NOT SMOKE! SMOKE BAD FOR YOU! UNLESS I COOK IT! I COOK YOU SOME SMOKE! YOU WANT?!?! EH?!?! Kid Muscle: Are you telling me Kevin Mask was lying to me about the super power and babes I would get if I started smoking? Ramenman: I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THE BABES, THEY NEVER REALLY CARE FOR RAMENMAN! BUT SMOKE NOT HEALTHY!
Kid Muscle: Kevin Mask, YOU DIRTY LIAR!!!! I'm so mad there are crazy lines behind me!! Kevin Mask: What the hell is that anyway? Jabba: I don't know, but I think I just spit up my other lung. Kevin Mask: Shut up. Kid Muscle: You're going down Kevin Mask!
Kevin Mask: OUCH! You just kicked me in the nads... Kid Muscle: I call that the TRUE muscle buster. EVERYONE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -------- |
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