CODE: Hulkster

AGAIN, I introduce to you a new type of article here at CODE: Hulkster. The rom review... please, let us not waste anymore time.

Let's face it, when you're bored, you've got a fast internet connection, and you really like penguins, you are probably going to scour the internet for arcade roms featuring penguins. Right? I mean, I do. Even if you don't, I guess you should continue reading this, because you are obviously bored if you are here. So I shall take no longer in introducing you to the best penguin based dodge ball like game with cute animals in the stands, the things that eat you in marble madness bouncing back and forth in the stage, and badly translated English (my favorite kind of game). I give you...

Sounds fun right? Penguins, wars, kuns... kuns? Turns out the great translations continue throughout the game. I'll be getting to that later though. Going into the game I was expecting your typical side scrolling game with a penguin that would shoot icicles or something to fall polar bears and killer seals. Instead I was treated to tournament brackets... what's going on here?

Now I'm thinking that this is a weird fighting game, like Brutal Paws of Fury. So once I check out the brackets for awhile, I notice I am the only animal that doesn't repeat itself. Oh, I feel the pain of all the other little penguins that can't come to the Penguinkun Wars Tournament. I tremble under the weight of the entire penguin nation on my shoulders, hoping and praying for a win in this prestigious battle. I will do them proud... I WILL WIN!

After that screen this started happening. A tiger or something was throwing balls at my head. Run little penguin! Run! After tossing some of the balls at the tiger the unthinkable happened. My little penguin was stunned as a giant pink ball smashed into his cute little penguin face. Dazed by the audacity of the stupid jerk that threw a ball in his face he was unable to move. This isn't just any penguin though, he has the weight of the whole penguin world resting upon him, he will not give up. After recovering from the dastardly attack of the tiger he rallied back and won two sets. I guess this dodge ball is played best two out of three a match.

Yes! I get perfect game! I get set! A WINNER IS ME! Sometimes I wonder if the U.S. publishers of Japanese games even look at the translated version of the game. I mean, you don't need to know any language other than English to notice that 'You get perfect game!' isn't correct. Come on guys, let's crack down on this. My little penguin will NEVER learn proper English at this rate.

After a weird bonus level I had no idea what I was doing in I was told 'YOU ARE EXCELLENT PLAYER PRESENT YOU WITH POINTS!' Well thanks guys, the positivity of that message really brightened up my day. Until I realized that I had no idea what the hell it meant. Am I an excellent player present? Am I just excellent and player is presenting me with points? Am I looking too much into this?

My next battle was with a panda bear. He was so cuddly and cute. Here at CODE: Hulkster we pride ourselves on our love for pandas. So it was hard for me to battle with one...

Right after I smacked the jerk in the face with a ball over and over twice in a row and winning the match, like a bad ass penguin from hell. I continued on to my next challenge. Oh, but wait, what is this? Another bonus level... excellent.

I have bombs! I throw them at gophers! I hate gophers! Look at them blow up! WOW! EXPLOSIONS! This is great. Alright I got the you are excellent player screen again. What a great time. I don't know why my little penguin hated these gophers so much, but he blew the crap out of them. Wowzers.

My semi final match was against a koala bear. I never trusted koala bears. They are cute, but they won't think twice about biting your head. They are a type of bear apparently, but why don't they look like bears? Sounds a bit suspicious to me. I think they are all ninjas dressed in costumes just waiting to jump out of the trees and shoot poisonous eucolyptus juice into my eyes. Luckily I stomped him in the first set.

NO! He came back both sets and put me in my place. It's a sad day for penguin kind. Some day though, I will return to the Penguinkun War Tournament, I will defeat you koala. I will not rest until I have gotten the trophy for my fellow penguins. This is not the last time you will see me. I WILL BE BACK!

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Mike