CODE: Hulkster

Well, well, well, look what happened! Another re-design! I guess this happens every few months, but this one took a long time and is much more fun than previous designs. I like it. So you must as well. Also, check out the forums, they are full of fun topics and games! With that all out of the way now, we move on to the goodness...

Yes, we've all wondered how these things come to be. We put a CD into our drive, pick what we want on it, and a few minutes later, out pops a CD full of music, games, or pornography. Well, I've obtained the top secret documents that explain how this process works. I'm going to warn you right now though, some of the things I'm about to reveal to you may shock you, it may amaze you, it may make you pee your pants. So get ready, it's time to found out how CDs are made.

The first myth is that there are lasers inside that burn grooves into the disc. This myth can easily be debunked. First, take a CD and flip it over. See any grooves? I didn't think so. That's because there aren't actually grooves but rather a tiny trap door. What happens with this trap door you might ask? You're about to learn the shocking truth.

Inside each CD-writer is a crew of genetically altered penguins and bears. I know this may sound a bit farfetched but please try and follow. This is the perfect combination of powers for what is about to happen to this CD. During the alteration of these tiny animals, they also add a small computer chip into their brains so that they can process computer data with their paws or fins. This allows them to actually handle the information they are about to pack onto the CD. This is quite an amazing thing folks. What comes next might be the most exciting step of the process.

Once the CD is inserted and the animals are awakened by either the light coming into the CD-ROM or the electromagnetic signal sent out, they begin their work. First a penguin will open up the trap door and let the water flow into the CD. Not only cleaning it but also making it easier for the other penguins to move around inside of the CD to store the information. Once the CD is completely filled with water and clean the penguins makes cute noises at the bears to let them know they must begin their process.

This is when things get really interesting. The bears actually slide down the IDE cables connected to your CD writer to the other end of the cable that is connected to you hard drive. Here they collect all the files you specified for this particular CD you are creating. One thing you want to watch out for is fish you may have left in your hard drive. This will not only slow the process, but you DO NOT want to feed the bears. They will bite your head off. Once the bears have collected all the files needed for your disc they put them into picnic baskets and begin their climb back up to the CD writer. Unfortunately, there is usually a communications break down and the bears and penguins begin to fight here. Soon the elder bear comes out and says "Listen, I don't time have for the stuff now jammy jah jah bingo sticks". The penguins and bears make up and kiss and begin the process of making your CD.

Have you ever seen pictures or video of those fish markets where they throw the fish to each other. This is kind of like what happens here. Except the bears sing songs. Some of the higher end CD writers have a few bears specifically for singing so the other bears can get more work done. While singing or listening to singing, the bears throw the needed files to the penguins as they jump up out of the water. The penguins will grab the files and swim back up the the CD and put them inside. They usually pack them very tight so you don't waste much space.

Once the files are all gone the bears go back to their caves for some well deserved rest. The penguins close up and seal the trap door, that is unless you have a CD-RW. With those they use a master-lock so they can re-open and unload or reload needed information. Once the door is closed they drain the excess water from everything and go back to their icebergs and take a nap. First the leader rings a bell to sign that everything is done. When the bell rings it wakes up the sloth that moves onto the complete button.

For the sloth to get moving fast thought it snorts a couple lines of coke. This actually depends upon the speed of the particular CD writer you are using. The number before the x is how many lines of coke the sloth does. For example, a 48x CD writer would have a sloth that does 48 lines of cocaine. You follow me now? Once he reaches the eject button the CD is complete, dry, and ready for use.

I hope you know understand how CDs are made. I know this process stunned me when I first heard it, but it's true. No... really, it is.

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Mike