CODE: Hulkster

I would like to introduce a new feature here at CODE: Hulkster, this is something I ponder constantly. This is more or less like the popular What if... comics. Only this is....

At first glance you may think these two animals are related. They probably are. But we aren't here to discuss animal families, although kittens are very cute, we are here to discuss which one of these deadly vicious animals would win in an all out duel between the two. I think this may be a tough one to call.

As you can see in the above picture, chipmunks are always ready for a fight. Odds are there aren't even any natural predators around, this chipmunk just wants to kick a rock's ass. These little creatures may seem harmless, but they wouldn't think twice about poking your eyes out with there cute little paws. Remember folks, Hamtaro is a hamster, NOT a chipmunk. Do not take the risk of trying to feed a chipmunk a sunflower seed, he may take it and eat it, but you are the next course of the meal.

Again, this squirrel may look like he's posing for a cute picture, but odds are after the camera person took this he had one less ear than he did before he took it. You may wonder how squirrels climb trees so well, it's because their claws are so sharp from the constant tearing of flesh. One second you are feeding a cute little critter a peanut and the next you're in the hospital wondering why you can't feel your legs. That's right, these suckers are smart, they go right for the spinal cord. A quick kick to your head and a slice of their claws and you are done for.

Now, in the picture above, you can see that not only are chipmunks ruthless killers, they are also trouble makers. Here you see one of the worst kinds: circus haters. You can see he is chewing down the rope holding up the tent, not only killing everyone inside, but also crushing many children's dreams of seeing a bear riding a tricycle. If that doesn't tear at your heart, I don't know what will.

Since I have now established that both of these rodents are thoughtless murderers we can move on to the battle between the two. I assume there would be a decent amount of time spent by both participants studying the other's movement and getting an idea for what to expect in the upcoming fight. The first animal to attack would be the squirrel, he's not afraid.

LOOK OUT! Here he comes, through the air. The squirrel is a ruthless fighter, giving the chipmunk all he has in the first minutes of actual fighting. He's not above hair pulling or pinching either. He will even stoop as low as giving his opponent an indian burn. Yes, he is that dastardly. However, the chipmunk has something up his sleeve...

Using his telepathic powers... the chipmunk calls his friend in the mountains, who just happens to be one of those weird hills chipmunks who is stronger than all the other chipmunks because he has done nothing but live in the hills his whole life and snort coke. Anyway, he did it now here comes the creepy hill chipmunk.

Now here is when things get interesting, the squirrel may have a size advantage, but two on one is just too much for him to handle. The chipmunks circle... checking out their prey. And then...

Oops, forgot about those tree sharks, they always win.

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Mike